ellectrical | (no subject)

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When they had returned, Elle had forced her way through the first door she could, if only to, for a moment, get away from Bennet.

Instead, she'd ended up at the Bar. For the first time, she's not entirely sure she wants to be here.

So she'd retreated through the back door, out toward the grounds, making her way to the lawn near the lake. Though it had been the middle of the night in her world, it's very early morning here, sunlight just beginning to brighten the eastern sky. Elle really only pays attention to the extent that she can see well enough to find a spot reasonably apart from the water, where she sits down in the grass, her knees pulled up to her chest.

She's not sparking, but she is, very slightly, shaking.

The stuffed dog sits in the grass a few inches away from her. It had still been in her hand when she walked through the door.

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"You want to do it again?"

It --

Sometimes it is very effective. X remembers.

But --

"I do not know if it is like meditation. For you."

But at least people teach meditation.

She looks back to the lake. "I'm trying."

Her fingers flatten out in the grass. "But it - won't go back."

X's gaze drops to Elle's hands and stays there.

The silence holds, just for a few moments.

"Then you will have to do something else."

Here X hesitates, looking back up at Elle's face.

"Or try."

X has always been very good at pushing forward. Sometimes it is the only thing that makes sense. To her.

"I don't -"

Pause. Inhale. Elle looks back at X.

"I don't know what else to do."

X does not blink.

And after a careful moment of consideration --

"You can think about it. Until it does not hurt."

Beat.

"Or until it makes sense."

If it ever makes sense. Some things are always strange.

And Elle doesn't look away.

"It does make sense."

"But you do not like it."

It's a little bit of a question.

Because X does not really understand.

"I'm sorry."

And she feels that. Entirely. Like she's letting X down.

"I don't think I can make you understand."

(And maybe part of her doesn't want to. Even if it were possible.)

X shakes her head, just once.

"That is not relevant."

Beat.

"I do not know what will be useful for you. To make it -- "

She struggles for the right word.

Maybe she even finds it.

"Better."

Or maybe not.

Edited 2012-09-15 03:37 (UTC)

Elle's not sure there's really an answer for that. But she doesn't feel like she can deny that to X, too.

She looks back down, and moves her arms back around her legs.

"Do you - understand what I did before?"

X frowns very slightly, attempting to follow Elle's question.

She does not want to get it wrong.

"When you stopped -- "

There should be a word for it. Multiple words, even.

X does not know what they are. So instead --

"After you remembered."

"Yeah," she answers.

"After that."

"I do not know," X says, after a long silence.

"If I understand."

Beat.

"It was different. For me."

X is not good at emotional extrapolation. Interpolation is a different story.

"But I do not think you have to explain."

"I can explain."

Beat

"If you want."

X hesitates.

Then, carefully --

"You do not mind?"

"I don't mind."

But apparently, X is going to have to actually ask.

"Okay."

X absorbs that for a moment, letting the semi-certainty sink in.

Then --

"You will explain? About what you started to do. After you remembered."

Beat.

"Please."

Her grip on her knees becomes tighter, and she looks away from X, leaning her head against them.

"It's about - where I was before. The place I had to escape before."

After a moment X sits down, too, bringing her own knees up.

It is more comfortable this way. Inasmuch as anything can be comfortable right now.

"The place that was -- "

What are the words she wants to use?

" -- like the Facility?"

"Yes. Not the Company, but -"

Like the Facility.

"And the - telepath was there."

"The one that made you forget. And remember?"

X is --

Not entirely sure.

"No."

She's folded herself too tightly to shake her head.

"Not - exactly. He wanted me to help him. With Sylar."

"Oh."

There are many reasons why that thought is upsetting.

Among them --

"To use him? Or to kill him."

She is doubtful whether a Facility-like place would have considered any other options.

"To use him."

She has to take a moment to breathe, and then. "Most people didn't want to be near him."

But Elle was disposable.

"That is sensible," X says, after a moment.

He saw her as a thing, too. Sylar.

It is problematic.

"I would not want to be, either. Now."

Beat.

"He made you be? the telepath."

Edited 2012-09-16 04:22 (UTC)